Cooksey Connects

Without a doubt, the Internet has allowed people with common interests who were previously isolated by geography to CONNECT. The playing field has been leveled.  Obscure performers like Tay Zonday or the Numa Numa guy become household names.  An unknown singer named Justin Bieber found a connection with mainstream media success by first leveraging YouTube. Fundraisers now regularly build connection of  political outliers to splinter issues, thus creating visibility for presidential candidates. Countries have been overthrown by their frustrated citizens who found real-time connections on Twitter.  And, of course, there are myriad random “Fan Pages” created for topics formerly collected only in syndicated articles like “News of the Weird” or the Onion.

I’m guity, too.  Back in 2009, upon reports of  a call for President Obama’s consideration to add a new Secretary of the Arts post to his cabinet, I immediately fired up a Facebook fan page (partly as a joke, party serious) to nominate a good friend of mine (and incredible arts advocate) Ken Busby from Tulsa, OK for the post. With little to no effort, I immediately found connection to interested supporters who, if I’d been more serious, likely could have provided much needed leverage for wider support of the “campaign”.

Then, there are blogs which observe daily life, unexpected moments caught on video, and urban myths / legends like Milverine.

Sure, there are great ways to leverage social media to legitimately build an authentic CONNECTion with your customers and clients by sharing your views and offering tips to help THEM succeed (see what my friend Darren LaCroix is doing with YouTube!).  But, let’s not stop the amusing aspects these creative platforms encourage.  If there is something of interest to you, no matter how odd or less-than-mainstream it may seem to your immediate group of friends, post it up on YouTube.  You just might find a community of like-minded people. Become known for facilitating CONNECTion between people and ideas!

Over the past few years, I have been conducting an experiment.  In an effort to really understand why some people seem to be “natural leaders” and some “just do not have what it takes to lead”, I put myself on the road to figure out what it means to connect as a leader.

The Challenge

While most people would have been tempted to simply interview a number of trainers, speakers, and other business leadership gurus for a consensus vote, that just is not my style.  I opted, instead, to throw myself into the fire.

Since June of 2009, I have led well over 200 days of training, literally, around the globe.  This experiment has taken me from Lakeland, Florida to the Pacific Northwest; Toronto, Canada to the islands of the Caribbean Sea; and, my adopted hometown of Houston, Texas to a tour of cities across the great continent (and country) of Australia.

During that time, I have led thousands of people to a better understanding of topics sadly lumped into a category called “soft skills”.  Soft skills are what makes a leader a leader.  In essence, there is nothing truly “soft” about soft skills.  In fact, trying to lead teams without an understanding of soft skills is…well…in a word; HARD!

Today, I proudly announce, I have found the Holy Grail of Leadership, identified the Common Denominator of Successful People, and boiled it all down to a single act you must commit your entire life to mastering, if you want to achieve true success at every level.  That word is “CONNECT”.

The Breakdown:

In junior high, an announcement came over the loudspeaker in my second hour class letting the students know about a new “mentor” program being launched as a partnership between the school and local community business leaders.  Now knowing what a mentor was at the time, I went home and asked my mother, who replied, “Oh, I’m not sure that message was for you.” Baffled, I just let it go, never learning until much, much later what exactly that program might have been about.

(From dictionary.com)

Fortunately for me, as a young man, I actually DID have a number of mentors around me on a regular basis, most notably my Scoutmasters who kicked my rear into gear, guiding me to earn the rank of Eagle Scout (something I STILL list on my resume, today).  As a speaking professional,  I’m proud to admit, I have learned much from the men and women who have unselfishly (and some unknowingly) served as my mentor. Without their wisdom, guidance, and friendship, it is most certain I would not be enjoying the level of success I have today.

What about you?  Who are YOUR mentors?

A few years ago, following some significant personal and professional changes in my life, I took an assessment of where I was and compared it to where I thought I should be.  Perhaps you have taken a similar inventory of your life from time to time. Here are a few questions you might ask, as you consider the question, “How could I benefit from mentor?”

1. Who are the six people with whom I spend the most time?  You may already know, “you” will become the average of those six people.
2. Are most of the people around me the most truly living the kind of life I, too, would like to be living now? It might be time for an upgrade.
3. If Iwere stranded by the side of the road at 3A.M., how many of my “friends” would jump out of bed to assist me without hesitation? Your mentor may or may not be one of these people, but it’s still a question worth asking as a gauge of the type of people with whom you most closely associate.
4. Could I improve my chances of attaining my most important goals in life by reaching out to others who may have traveled a similar path to mine before enjoying a similar level of success to that of my own desires? Often times those who have worked hard for success applaud, and even offer encouragement to people that remind them of themselves. Who knows…it may even lead to a friendship that will last a lifetime.
5. Is someone other than my spouse, kids, or family truly interested in seeing / helping me succeed in life? Knowing someone is rooting for you (and often holding you accountable for taking positive action) may be just the element missing from your success equation!

TAKE ACTION:  Identify successful people whom you admire.  Reach out to them with a quick note, email, or call.  Let them know you admire their success and ask if they’d mind if you touched base from time-to-time, when you would like their insight on important decisions in your career or life.  If they say “yes”, you have a mentor…even if they don’t know it.

Keep CONNECTing!

CONNECTing in Sydney, Australia

This month, I had the amazing experience of working across the great continent of Australia.  During my tour, I was privileged to facilitate training classes on the fundamentals of project management in Sydney,NSW; Adelaide, SA; Darwin, NT; & Perth, WA. It was a great two weeks and a great exercise in experiencing another culture.

Since the theme of this blog is “CONNECTion”, here’s a quick guide to similarities and differences between Australia and the United States, as viewed by one recent visitor from the “other side of the world”.

Similarities:

• English is the primary language. Though, as you will see below, common phrases are very different.
• Both countries enjoy a high, developed standard of living
• If you “round” the numbers, the continent of Australia is comparable in size to the continental United States (“lower 48″)
• Current government leadership (Prime Minister / Australia; President/ United States) are both dealing with low popularity ratings (at this writing)
• Given the size of each country, the diversity of it’s people and lifestyles vary somewhat by region
• It seems that a resident of either country should expect to fairly easily adapt to life in the other country- with a few notable adjustments

Funny to note, however, is that given the number of similarities, there are enough notable differences to remind a visitor to Australia that they are in fact, somewhere a long way from home:

• In my experience, the Australian people seemed extremely polite – perhaps influenced by the perceived formality and proper use of the English language than typified in the United States.
• While I’m sure there are some in Australia who feel “excluded” from the mainstream, a feeling of angst seemed to be missing from the majority of the population of those I came to know. (Though, in parts of the country, there was  a notable population of displaced / struggling indigenous people (aborigines). There is an amazing similarity to experiences I’ve had with a number of indigenous North American’s, though the history of the peoples are quite different.
• Food and drink are considerably more expensive in Australia, though, it also appears as a general rule that Australians have somewhat healthier diets than Americans.
• Aussies were amazed at the idea of a “motor bank”, common in the U.S.  We had some good laughs about how Americans can do all of their banking from the comfort of their driver’s seat of their cars!
• I never did try Vegemite, despite a constant subliminal undertone of some great 80′s rock by the famed Australian rock band, Men at Work. However, I did learn that kangaroo is quite tasty!
• Here’s a quick guide to a few nuances of common terms (American / Australian):
• Trash / Rubbish
• Trash Can / Bin
• Overhead Bin (on plane) / Overhead Locker
• Shopping Cart / Trolly
• You’re Welcome / No Worries (okay, this is a bit of a stretch, but I heard “No Worries” a lot…and I like it!)
• Elevator / Lift
• Restroom / Toilet
• friend / mate
• “significant other” / partner
• up-tight attitude and feeling of “hurry” / more laid-back, “enjoy life” attitude for most
• OH….and I learned the Australian people don’t generally offer gratuity to service industry folks like we do in America (something shared with me by the very last driver I had in Australia, despite tipping EACH of them!) It was worth it, though, since each was very much polite, knowledgeable, and helpful in pointing out information to make my stay in their respective cities enjoyable.  Figured it was worth the price of a cup of coffee!
• Starbucks didn’t work out so well in Australia. (Servings to large/ not strong enough/too different)  While they are very much a coffee culture (when you order coffee in a cafe or restaurant, it’s your choice to enjoy it flat white (coffee with milk), latte or cappuccino…all for the same price), they prefer the more laid-back intimacy of an alfresco cafe.

photo by Richard 'Tenspeed' Heaven

Certain people possess the ability to instantly create rapport with anyone. For purposes of this article, whether you agree with the message from people you have come in contact with who enjoy this skill is not important.  What I want you to focus on is their ability to immediately establish rapport, identify the issue or message at hand, and simply deliver their version of the truth to the audience in an almost effortless way.

For a leader, it takes a number of years to have put oneself in enough situations to effectively learn through trial and error how to handle a variety of situations to obtain the desired result.  These situations appear in daily life as one-on-one conversations, speeches, sales pitches, legal proceedings, and are often disguised as everyday tasks.

Personally, I have been in leadership positions since I was a young man.  Each role I served provided me with new opportunities to practice my speaking skills and learn how to interact effectively, even persuasively, with others.  As an adult, I have worked successfully in business development roles, served as a spokesperson for organizations, delivered hundreds of days of training, and spoken effectively at a number of trade association events.  Each time, I was challenged with connecting my audience with a specific, intended message.

While there is no substitute for practice, I’ve distilled my experience from thousands of speaking engagements, sales meetings, training sessions and daily client interactions down to this short, yet powerful list of techniques for connecting with any audience.  Keep this list close, and you will begin to receive feedback that you are becoming one of those great connectors like the ones you have admired for so many years.

1. Look at your audience.  Whether you have an audience of one or one thousand, if you cannot look your audience in the eye, they will never believe you.  (Hint:  For larger audiences, pick out a handful of friendly-looking people in various parts of the room and talk to them.)
2. Have a message. You should be able to sum up the point of your message in less than 15 seconds.  If that is proving difficult, your topic may not be clear.  Choose an example of an ideal audience member, and write your speech in a way that would connect with that one person. Be clear about how you want your audience to think or act differently about when you are done speaking.
3. Move with a purpose.  Nervous energy often manifests itself during your speech or conversation as unnecessary motion.  Gestures can be helpful in demonstrating a point, but moving unnecessarily can prove very distracting for your audience, thus causing your message to be lost in the action.
4. Appearance matters.  The general rule of thumb is to dress one step above that of your audience. Even if your “audience” is a group of your co-workers or your boss.  No matter how much you know (or think you know), if you look the part, you will receive greater respect.
5. Use vocal variety. Simply stated, this means you should not let your message be dry and dull, from a vocal standpoint. One technique I often find helpful is to build up my volume as I’m building toward a point, pause for a beat, then deliver the final point with intensity but in a much lower volume. It often comes across with much more power than you might imagine.
6. Don’t rush.  The pace of your message should fit the time allotted and the rhythm of the meeting.  Giving your audience information as if they are drinking from a fire hose only proves to them how big you perceive your own ego to be…or more often, how unorganized your remarks are proving to be.
7. Don’t patronize your audience.  Be confident.  Be honest. Utilize the steps above.  If your audience disagrees or doesn’t get your point, it is your fault…not theirs.  Be gracious and smile.  You’ll live to speak another day.  There is never a time it is okay to be rude or hateful as a presenter (unless you have been invited to deliver a few words at a celebrity roast).

How to be a Connector

Simply stated, I get a kick out of helping people connect their potential with deliberate action that allows them to enjoy success at a level they previously thought impossible. The good news is that it is relatively easy…if you develop the habit of making connections about other people, instead of you.

Without a doubt, social media has changed the way people connect. Or has it? Certainly, technologies like LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube have shifted the definitions of a “friend”, “follower”, or “connection” to meanings significantly different than we once thought of them. And while this technology’s popularity makes it easier than ever to “stay in touch” even with the fringes of our networks, it is no substitute for a true, off-line connection.

Networking is a word which often brings back memories of hundreds of shallow, self-promoting people swarming around at some random event sponsored by your local chamber of commerce.  You probably have someone specific in your mind right now who claims to be a great networker….a claim backed up by the huge stack of recently collected business cards on their desk. Only, if you look a little deeper, it doesn’t take long to realize those “connections” aren’t really connections at all. In fact, that self-proclaimed networker is nothing but a business card collector – evidenced by the number of cards with their name on them, which they have given you over the years -each with a different company logo on it. (Get my drift?)

In recent weeks, I have given closer inspection to just which of the habits I have observed of people I admire as great connectors (as described in Malcom Gladwell’s instant classic, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference). The rules listed below will provide a roadmap for you in becoming a sought after person in the network of others.  Each demonstrates just how simply you can integrate subtle changes into your own routine to achieve the status of Connector:

1. It can never be about you. – I once went to an interview for a job I knew I did not really want, just to get an offer I could turn down.  Shortly after passing the “screener’s interview” at the door, I was asked to stay and visit with the insurance agency’s owner.  Sure enough, he offered me the job.  I immediately turned him down – then sat in his office for nearly an hour listening to him telling me how wonderful and successful he was.  Presuming for a minute he was half as successful as his puffed up autobiographical interview suggested, I knew my instincts were correct.  Working for him would never be about the development of my own career. It would only be about him.  Successful, perhaps.  Did I ever follow up?  Let’s just say the materials he gave me on the way out the door never made it out of his office building.
2. Connections should be authentic. I enjoy a great spy/action novel. In between the great number of business and success oriented books I read each year, I find it relaxing to just get lost in a great story once in a while.  When I learned a friend of mine had written a novel set in my former hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma, I downloaded the free sample from his website and sent him a note.  Prior to the release of his book, he kindly forwarded me the final version of the first two chapters.  On the day it was available for purchase from Amazon, I immediately downloaded the book to my Kindle….and posted everywhere I could online how great it was a friend of mine had just released his first in a series of novels.  And let me tell you, the book is a thriller! [Here is a link to the book: The Perfect Candidate. If you download it, please come back to this blog post and let me know what you thought of it!] A few days later, I asked him to preview a new video project of mine ahead of it’s release, and he gladly responded.  Offering his feedback, he then (without my asking) mentioned he would forward the link to a few of his own contacts whose organizations often hired speakers.  That’s a referral I didn’t even have to ask for!
3. Focus on giving. – A close personal friend of mine once said, “Don’t just be a face on a roster.” What great advice.  I have learned time and again that connecting people with their best interests at heart will gain you more than trying to shoehorn yourself into being the right solution when you (or the products or services you offer) are simply not a good fit. People remember and the return is much greater in the long-run when you keep this principle in mind.
4. If at first you don’t connect, try again. – In a soon to be released audio program, I share more of the details about this idea.  Keep an eye out, because in this program you will hear real cases to teach you how to can turn a missed sales opportunity into your largest client.  Some of my best connections have developed from people I just didn’t “click” with at first.  If your approach didn’t connect with them, it is up to you to show the value of what you can bring to their network. (See Rule #1)
5. Always maintain your integrity. It is flattering to be asked to help someone out.  I’m sure that your reputation (out of a cast of thousands) has brought forth many efforts to help an obscure Nigerian prince ex-patriate some funds from his country, if only you would email this thoughtful and promising stranger all of your financial details so they can deposit the promised millions into your account for “your trouble”, right?  Listen.  I once had a client walk out of my office, with a smile on his face, having lost nearly 95% of the value of his account, carrying only a new coffee mug.  My largest single commission as a financial adviser was a one-time investment with a gross commission of $17,000!  What do both of those stories have to do with integrity?  In both cases, the clients had acted foolishly and completely against my advice.  That’s right.  I advised them against their respective investments, yet by standing firm on my position (instead of slobbering over the commissions thus making a complete fool of myself), I earned their trust and respect.  And I won their business (and their commission income) while still finding myself able to sleep at night because I had simply told them the truth.

These five rules are the absolute keys to building solid connections with those to whom you do business.  Avoid them at your own peril! The most successful people I have ever studied all possessed the ability think past the short-term, and enjoyed success for the long-term.  Which path will you take?

Recently, I had the opportunity to lead a staff development training day at a major university’s school of dentistry.  There were approximately 60 people in attendance, most of whom worked in some type of support role either at the school, within a private dental practice, or both.

Realizing this training was being held on both the Friday before the U.S. Memorial Day Holiday and on a particularly amazing day (weather wise), I knew I needed to reel them in quick.  I decided to open with an exercise to get them talking to one another and moving around the room (always a great idea first thing in the morning).  I posted with a few questions for them to consider before moving about the room, asking each participant to write down the first answers to each that came to their mind.  The reply immediately voiced from nearly half the people in the room, however, spoke volumes to me when I heard a collective, “But, nobody told us to bring a pen!”

How Does YOUR Service Rank?

Pause for a few seconds and think– In that moment, had you been leading the seminar, what would you have done?

What happened next, however, was both a bit of a relief, and an troubling explanation.  Relief in that the local leader had indeed brought along enough ball point pens to pass around for the unprepared.  Explanation in how that single action of providing the pens made me question what other bad habits among this team were being enabled to continue every single day- dismissed as “oh, they’re just like that” and “it’s easier to just hold their hands”.

Here’s the real kicker.  This was about the 5th or 6th day of training this group had received during the entire academic year. “What?”, I thought.  ”You didn’t bring a pen to a training class?”

More times than you might believe over the past couple of years, I have witnessed seminar participants sign in at registration,  collect their workbook (with certificate of completion already stashed on the last page), and ask for directions to the restroom….never to be seen again.  And, to be candid, I’m not sure it is entirely their fault.  They simply do not feel empowered to make a difference or influence change back at work and must be thinking, “Why bother?” Often, these are the same employees who have the best opportunities to make it right with your most important customers, clients, and vendors….and simply don’t even try.

Here are a few quick ideas for you, the mighty leader of your team (no, it isn’t a job title, it’s an attitude), to make sure the people around you are engaged, plugged in, and turned on at work:

1. Hold those around you accountable for their actions. Don’t just enable them by running to get ball point pens they clearly should have brought to the training session. If there are no consequences for unacceptable or unprofessional behavior, why should you expect them to change for the better?
2. Assign a book report. When you send someone from your team to a training seminar or conference, challenge them to come up with a brief presentation on 3-5 key points they learned and feel others would benefit from hearing about.  If you were the one sent to the class, offer to share some ideas to your group in a staff meeting. Taking initiative says, “I’m working for the job I want….not the one I have.”
3. Listen. If your team is disengaged and discouraged, you should know it.  If not by what they say, listen to how they say it. More importantly, listen to what they don’t say.  If everyone around you has stopped trying to solve problems and only complain about them, it is up to you to draw them into helping solve the issues.  If you ignore the obvious problems, you are in fact condoning them to continue.

Accountability is the name of the game. Build a solid team, and you’ll see the results with success at every level!

Fall of the Berlin Wall Statue

While President Ronald Reagan famously called for the end of the Cold War with his now famous line, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”, during a recent visit to the campus of Texas A&M University, I found an amazing artwork giving credit to President George H.W. Bush (“41″) for his pivotal role in the actual tearing down of the Berlin Wall.  The Berlin Wall, as you may recall, was perhaps the world’s most tangible representation of the separation of East and West during a very tense time in global politics.

While President Bush did not attend Texas A&M University, it is home to the Bush Presidential Library and has become his adopted collegiate home.  It is a place full of reminders of the way America was, in the proud years following WWII. Texas A&M was founded as a land grant school.  Many of the traditions of the school are rooted not only in it’s “A”gricultural moniker, but also the “M”, which stands for “Military”.      A great number of the military traditions started so many years ago on campus remain very much alive today.

If you have ever visited College Station, undoubtedly, you have encountered some very friendly folks. Proud of their school and its traditions, students, alumni & faculty alike smile at strangers visiting this piece of true Americana.

Growing up, I found something comforting about President Bush.  Perhaps it was that on some level, he reminded me of my maternal grandfather.  They both served in World War II. They both had an easy, yet commanding demeanor.  There was a kind of quiet confidence and strength about them.  Traits that many people would be well served to learn from today.

So often, while speaking to conference attendees or facilitating training sessions designed around team building, customer service, and project management, I am floored with how people seem to have forgotten how to simply relate to one another.

This week, pay special attention to how YOU communicate to relate to those around you.  Are you guilty of barking orders, or do you build up your co-workers, customers and vendors.  For your organization to thrive, you need all three.  If you don’t like what you notice….try something new.  You’ll see the results on the bottom line.

Cooksey Connects. <–LIKE IT!

If you are like millions of other folks, you are already on Facebook.  Why not stop by and CONNECT with Cooksey over at his page?

You can either click the link above or share this link with your friends:

http://FACEBOOK.CookseyConnects.com

You will find pictures, video, and tips to help you find clear communication and build strong business relationships!  Check it out!

This afternoon, I made a friend.  You might have seen him.  He’s the guy who sits in the airport with his laptop fired up, intently looking at ….who only knows what.  It’s the stories, though, told by the stickers on his laptop that grabbed my attention.  There was the CC logo (creative commons), a WP (wordpress) logo, KSU (not MY Big XII alma mater, but in the same conference), and a few others…

**not actual laptop spotted**

Of particular note was a sticker with the image of a microphone built into it’s logo.  As a professional speaker, I sat up and took notice.  Below it, a website name.  Silently, I eased my laptop out of its protective neoprene sleeve, connected to the internet (thanks to Boingo and Houston Hobby’s 45 minute free access), and typed the sites URL into my browser.  First up, I noticed this project had extensive connection to Oklahoma…where I’d spend the 25 years prior to moving to Texas.  I had seen enough and shut down my computer.

Next, I stood up and started walking…right up to the fellow with his laptop open.  Smiling, I said hello, introduced myself, and said, “Okay..I saw the sticker, pulled up your website and want to know more about this project you’re working on.”

He smiled back, stating, “That is exactly why I wore this shirt today…hoping someone would ask.”  The shirt had the same logo and website name I had seen on the sticker.  We had a quick chat about the project, exchanged information, and as I rushed off to board my flight, I promised to follow up.

Writing this from the plane, I am excited.  Right now, who knows if I’ll be a fit to help advance his project, but today I found a kindred spirit.  I am passionate about the need for people to communicate in the pursuit of building stronger relationships.  His project, which you can read about at www.StoryChasers.tv, seeks to connect people to the past through a creative collection of oral and video captured history.

The next time you notice a sticker, a logo, a website URL or just a friendly soul I encourage you to reach out.  In a world where it seems everyone only wants to connect through social media outlets, I think you’ll find there is something still satisfying about a handshake and a conversation.  Try it.  You just might be surprised.

originally authored 3/30/2011- dsc