Cooksey Connects

How to be a Connector

Simply stated, I get a kick out of helping people connect their potential with deliberate action that allows them to enjoy success at a level they previously thought impossible. The good news is that it is relatively easy…if you develop the habit of making connections about other people, instead of you.

Without a doubt, social media has changed the way people connect. Or has it? Certainly, technologies like LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and YouTube have shifted the definitions of a “friend”, “follower”, or “connection” to meanings significantly different than we once thought of them. And while this technology’s popularity makes it easier than ever to “stay in touch” even with the fringes of our networks, it is no substitute for a true, off-line connection.

Networking is a word which often brings back memories of hundreds of shallow, self-promoting people swarming around at some random event sponsored by your local chamber of commerce.  You probably have someone specific in your mind right now who claims to be a great networker….a claim backed up by the huge stack of recently collected business cards on their desk. Only, if you look a little deeper, it doesn’t take long to realize those “connections” aren’t really connections at all. In fact, that self-proclaimed networker is nothing but a business card collector – evidenced by the number of cards with their name on them, which they have given you over the years -each with a different company logo on it. (Get my drift?)

In recent weeks, I have given closer inspection to just which of the habits I have observed of people I admire as great connectors (as described in Malcom Gladwell’s instant classic, The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference). The rules listed below will provide a roadmap for you in becoming a sought after person in the network of others.  Each demonstrates just how simply you can integrate subtle changes into your own routine to achieve the status of Connector:

1. It can never be about you. – I once went to an interview for a job I knew I did not really want, just to get an offer I could turn down.  Shortly after passing the “screener’s interview” at the door, I was asked to stay and visit with the insurance agency’s owner.  Sure enough, he offered me the job.  I immediately turned him down – then sat in his office for nearly an hour listening to him telling me how wonderful and successful he was.  Presuming for a minute he was half as successful as his puffed up autobiographical interview suggested, I knew my instincts were correct.  Working for him would never be about the development of my own career. It would only be about him.  Successful, perhaps.  Did I ever follow up?  Let’s just say the materials he gave me on the way out the door never made it out of his office building.
2. Connections should be authentic. I enjoy a great spy/action novel. In between the great number of business and success oriented books I read each year, I find it relaxing to just get lost in a great story once in a while.  When I learned a friend of mine had written a novel set in my former hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma, I downloaded the free sample from his website and sent him a note.  Prior to the release of his book, he kindly forwarded me the final version of the first two chapters.  On the day it was available for purchase from Amazon, I immediately downloaded the book to my Kindle….and posted everywhere I could online how great it was a friend of mine had just released his first in a series of novels.  And let me tell you, the book is a thriller! [Here is a link to the book: The Perfect Candidate. If you download it, please come back to this blog post and let me know what you thought of it!] A few days later, I asked him to preview a new video project of mine ahead of it’s release, and he gladly responded.  Offering his feedback, he then (without my asking) mentioned he would forward the link to a few of his own contacts whose organizations often hired speakers.  That’s a referral I didn’t even have to ask for!
3. Focus on giving. – A close personal friend of mine once said, “Don’t just be a face on a roster.” What great advice.  I have learned time and again that connecting people with their best interests at heart will gain you more than trying to shoehorn yourself into being the right solution when you (or the products or services you offer) are simply not a good fit. People remember and the return is much greater in the long-run when you keep this principle in mind.
4. If at first you don’t connect, try again. – In a soon to be released audio program, I share more of the details about this idea.  Keep an eye out, because in this program you will hear real cases to teach you how to can turn a missed sales opportunity into your largest client.  Some of my best connections have developed from people I just didn’t “click” with at first.  If your approach didn’t connect with them, it is up to you to show the value of what you can bring to their network. (See Rule #1)
5. Always maintain your integrity. It is flattering to be asked to help someone out.  I’m sure that your reputation (out of a cast of thousands) has brought forth many efforts to help an obscure Nigerian prince ex-patriate some funds from his country, if only you would email this thoughtful and promising stranger all of your financial details so they can deposit the promised millions into your account for “your trouble”, right?  Listen.  I once had a client walk out of my office, with a smile on his face, having lost nearly 95% of the value of his account, carrying only a new coffee mug.  My largest single commission as a financial adviser was a one-time investment with a gross commission of $17,000!  What do both of those stories have to do with integrity?  In both cases, the clients had acted foolishly and completely against my advice.  That’s right.  I advised them against their respective investments, yet by standing firm on my position (instead of slobbering over the commissions thus making a complete fool of myself), I earned their trust and respect.  And I won their business (and their commission income) while still finding myself able to sleep at night because I had simply told them the truth.

These five rules are the absolute keys to building solid connections with those to whom you do business.  Avoid them at your own peril! The most successful people I have ever studied all possessed the ability think past the short-term, and enjoyed success for the long-term.  Which path will you take?

Recently, I had the opportunity to lead a staff development training day at a major university’s school of dentistry.  There were approximately 60 people in attendance, most of whom worked in some type of support role either at the school, within a private dental practice, or both.

Realizing this training was being held on both the Friday before the U.S. Memorial Day Holiday and on a particularly amazing day (weather wise), I knew I needed to reel them in quick.  I decided to open with an exercise to get them talking to one another and moving around the room (always a great idea first thing in the morning).  I posted with a few questions for them to consider before moving about the room, asking each participant to write down the first answers to each that came to their mind.  The reply immediately voiced from nearly half the people in the room, however, spoke volumes to me when I heard a collective, “But, nobody told us to bring a pen!”

How Does YOUR Service Rank?

Pause for a few seconds and think– In that moment, had you been leading the seminar, what would you have done?

What happened next, however, was both a bit of a relief, and an troubling explanation.  Relief in that the local leader had indeed brought along enough ball point pens to pass around for the unprepared.  Explanation in how that single action of providing the pens made me question what other bad habits among this team were being enabled to continue every single day- dismissed as “oh, they’re just like that” and “it’s easier to just hold their hands”.

Here’s the real kicker.  This was about the 5th or 6th day of training this group had received during the entire academic year. “What?”, I thought.  ”You didn’t bring a pen to a training class?”

More times than you might believe over the past couple of years, I have witnessed seminar participants sign in at registration,  collect their workbook (with certificate of completion already stashed on the last page), and ask for directions to the restroom….never to be seen again.  And, to be candid, I’m not sure it is entirely their fault.  They simply do not feel empowered to make a difference or influence change back at work and must be thinking, “Why bother?” Often, these are the same employees who have the best opportunities to make it right with your most important customers, clients, and vendors….and simply don’t even try.

Here are a few quick ideas for you, the mighty leader of your team (no, it isn’t a job title, it’s an attitude), to make sure the people around you are engaged, plugged in, and turned on at work:

1. Hold those around you accountable for their actions. Don’t just enable them by running to get ball point pens they clearly should have brought to the training session. If there are no consequences for unacceptable or unprofessional behavior, why should you expect them to change for the better?
2. Assign a book report. When you send someone from your team to a training seminar or conference, challenge them to come up with a brief presentation on 3-5 key points they learned and feel others would benefit from hearing about.  If you were the one sent to the class, offer to share some ideas to your group in a staff meeting. Taking initiative says, “I’m working for the job I want….not the one I have.”
3. Listen. If your team is disengaged and discouraged, you should know it.  If not by what they say, listen to how they say it. More importantly, listen to what they don’t say.  If everyone around you has stopped trying to solve problems and only complain about them, it is up to you to draw them into helping solve the issues.  If you ignore the obvious problems, you are in fact condoning them to continue.

Accountability is the name of the game. Build a solid team, and you’ll see the results with success at every level!

Fall of the Berlin Wall Statue

While President Ronald Reagan famously called for the end of the Cold War with his now famous line, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”, during a recent visit to the campus of Texas A&M University, I found an amazing artwork giving credit to President George H.W. Bush (“41″) for his pivotal role in the actual tearing down of the Berlin Wall.  The Berlin Wall, as you may recall, was perhaps the world’s most tangible representation of the separation of East and West during a very tense time in global politics.

While President Bush did not attend Texas A&M University, it is home to the Bush Presidential Library and has become his adopted collegiate home.  It is a place full of reminders of the way America was, in the proud years following WWII. Texas A&M was founded as a land grant school.  Many of the traditions of the school are rooted not only in it’s “A”gricultural moniker, but also the “M”, which stands for “Military”.      A great number of the military traditions started so many years ago on campus remain very much alive today.

If you have ever visited College Station, undoubtedly, you have encountered some very friendly folks. Proud of their school and its traditions, students, alumni & faculty alike smile at strangers visiting this piece of true Americana.

Growing up, I found something comforting about President Bush.  Perhaps it was that on some level, he reminded me of my maternal grandfather.  They both served in World War II. They both had an easy, yet commanding demeanor.  There was a kind of quiet confidence and strength about them.  Traits that many people would be well served to learn from today.

So often, while speaking to conference attendees or facilitating training sessions designed around team building, customer service, and project management, I am floored with how people seem to have forgotten how to simply relate to one another.

This week, pay special attention to how YOU communicate to relate to those around you.  Are you guilty of barking orders, or do you build up your co-workers, customers and vendors.  For your organization to thrive, you need all three.  If you don’t like what you notice….try something new.  You’ll see the results on the bottom line.

Cooksey Connects. <–LIKE IT!

If you are like millions of other folks, you are already on Facebook.  Why not stop by and CONNECT with Cooksey over at his page?

You can either click the link above or share this link with your friends:

http://FACEBOOK.CookseyConnects.com

You will find pictures, video, and tips to help you find clear communication and build strong business relationships!  Check it out!

This afternoon, I made a friend.  You might have seen him.  He’s the guy who sits in the airport with his laptop fired up, intently looking at ….who only knows what.  It’s the stories, though, told by the stickers on his laptop that grabbed my attention.  There was the CC logo (creative commons), a WP (wordpress) logo, KSU (not MY Big XII alma mater, but in the same conference), and a few others…

**not actual laptop spotted**

Of particular note was a sticker with the image of a microphone built into it’s logo.  As a professional speaker, I sat up and took notice.  Below it, a website name.  Silently, I eased my laptop out of its protective neoprene sleeve, connected to the internet (thanks to Boingo and Houston Hobby’s 45 minute free access), and typed the sites URL into my browser.  First up, I noticed this project had extensive connection to Oklahoma…where I’d spend the 25 years prior to moving to Texas.  I had seen enough and shut down my computer.

Next, I stood up and started walking…right up to the fellow with his laptop open.  Smiling, I said hello, introduced myself, and said, “Okay..I saw the sticker, pulled up your website and want to know more about this project you’re working on.”

He smiled back, stating, “That is exactly why I wore this shirt today…hoping someone would ask.”  The shirt had the same logo and website name I had seen on the sticker.  We had a quick chat about the project, exchanged information, and as I rushed off to board my flight, I promised to follow up.

Writing this from the plane, I am excited.  Right now, who knows if I’ll be a fit to help advance his project, but today I found a kindred spirit.  I am passionate about the need for people to communicate in the pursuit of building stronger relationships.  His project, which you can read about at www.StoryChasers.tv, seeks to connect people to the past through a creative collection of oral and video captured history.

The next time you notice a sticker, a logo, a website URL or just a friendly soul I encourage you to reach out.  In a world where it seems everyone only wants to connect through social media outlets, I think you’ll find there is something still satisfying about a handshake and a conversation.  Try it.  You just might be surprised.

originally authored 3/30/2011- dsc

As I found Seat 18A aboard a Continental Express flight from Houston’s Bush Intercontinental Airport to the Midland/Odessa airport, I settled into my routine.  Sony noise-cancelling headphones? Check.  Kindle stowed in seat pocket for takeoff? Check. Carry-on bag neatly stowed in overhead bin? Check.

Admittedly, I don’t pay much attention to the goings-on of other boarding travelers on most days.  That day, however, I noticed something different.  The flight attendant was amazingly polite.  Her banter pleasant and sincere.  Each passenger was greeted with a “thank you for flying with us today” and gentle suggestions for comfort as the attendant performed her pre-flight check of the cabin.  Normally, I wouldn’t notice.  Today, however, there was something VERY familiar about the attendant.  Probably just coincidence.  Then, something caught my eye…and I grinned.

I settled back in my seat, and before I knew it, the aircraft had leveled out at our cruising altitude, and the attendant began our in-flight beverage service.  Normally, I don’t get excited about an over-iced, 5 ounce plastic cup of soda and a Hobbit sized handful of peanuts.  Today, I couldn’t wait.

Cooksey with Judy McClure January 2011

The flight attendant approached my row, made eye contact, and, as I expected, asked, “Mr. Cooksey, what could I get to you drink this afternoon?”

“Judy”, I smiled as I answered her, “you won’t remember me, but a few…”

She put her hand up to stop me mid-sentence to say, “You’re the gentleman who wrote the blog!”

“So you got it?”, I asked, unsure if my message by way of the @Continental account on Twitter had been received.

“My supervisor brought a copy of it to me.  Before that, I didn’t even know what a blog was.”

We laughed, chatted a few minutes, and she continued service to the remaining passengers.

Upon our arrival at the Midland/Odessa, TX airport, I slowly gathered my belongings so I could exit last.  I wanted to make sure to thank her again for continuing to make a difference in each passenger’s experience, whether THEY noticed it or not.

After thanking Judy for the opportunity to share her story from that flight nearly three years earlier to my audiences, she said to me, “You speak and train on customer service, right?”

“Among other topics. Why do you ask?”

Then she dropped the bombshell, “What could I be doing differently to be even better?”

Stumped, I replied, “Judy…just keep doing it.  YOU are the example I’ve been using for the past three years of someone who takes initiative, is sincere, and puts others before herself for the sake of great service.” Then I asked her, “If I may, where did YOU learn about the importance of great service.”

“Probably from my parents”, she humbly replied. “They owned a dime store while I was growing up.  My father always said the key to his success was treating people with enthusiasm and respect.”

Judy, I’m not sure what the future holds for you, but I know you will continue to share your smile, sincere voice, and quiet confidence about you wherever the road (or the skies) may take you.

In a world with thousands of domestic flights each day, thousands of flight crews, and countless travel schedules, it isn’t often that I see the same flight attendant more than once.  When I do, rarely have they left the impression Judy has on me. Every time I board a Continental Express flight, I look for Judy.  If you see her, please be sure to tell her I said hello!

And, yes….she DID give me the entire can of Diet Coke during beverage service.  I didn’t even have to ask!

Consistently, when people ask me “how can I get people to see me as a leader?”, I ask them a simple question. “Why should they?”  If the answer suggests it has something to do with their own benefit, suggest they consider their teammates’ points of view.

If you are like most leaders, undoubtedly you are in a continuous mode of learning.  And, if you are on the path to achieving the success you deserve, I certainly hope you are also unafraid of failure.  Yes, that’s what I said: UNAFRAID OF FAILURE!

In pursuit of his efforts to convert electricity into light, Thomas Edison has been quoted as saying “I never failed. I only found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.” Dare I suggest it was attitude, not necessarily know-how that created the lightbulb.

Take a look at how you are approaching growth of your own business, climbing the ladder of success, or giving to people around you.  If it’s all for your own benefit (e.g. a sale, self-promotion, doing it “your way”, or the like), you are most likely walking past a dollar to pick up a dime.

This week’s challenge is to think about how you can help eliminate “pain” or take away other people’s problems with solutions you are able to provide.  When you stop selling a product, you begin providing solutions.  People PAY for solutions because they are too lazy or lack the expertise to solve the issue themselves.

Repeat after me, “The solutions I can provide my clients/customers are more valuable than the products I sell.”

Share how you are beginning to see things differently below.

Last week, I left you with a challenge. Did you accept it?  Why or why not?

A few years ago, I accepted a challenging assignment as an investment representative inside a community bank…only I didn’t realize how difficult a task it was going to be when I showed up for work that first day.

I was the fifth representative in as many years to occupy that desk.  Ironically, management saw the office as a “five year old business” when it fact, it was only a collection of pieces of “five, one-year businesses”.  Collectively, there was $2.9 million in assets and from looking at the client files, it was impossible to tell which accounts were still open, which were long ago closed, or how any decisions had been made for each client.  My charge was to turn it around.

My first day was just before Independence Day 2001.  The financial markets were still uncertain following the investment bubble which had popped only 15 months earlier, clients were skittish, and to make it worse, the world as we knew it (financial or otherwise) completely introduced a “new normal” that fateful day in September—only 90 days into my new assignment.

It would have been easy to throw my hands in the air, declaring the task impossible, and not many people would have blamed me.  Not having many other options of where I might take my talents (financial firms were in “protection mode”), I decided to dig in and make it work.

Three years later, almost to the day, the book of business I’d inherited was now $12.5 million in asssets and produced a more predictable and stable annual revenue than ever before.  The markets had been against me.  For 18 months, my co-workers didn’t believe I’d actually stay (no other representative ever had). Management refused to offer more support or strategic direction than to tell me simply to “just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t worry about the rest of the department”.   The success (and the rocky road I traveled to find it) can almost completely be attributed to my own deliberate focus on relationships with clients and co-workers.

In the midst of significant roadblocks, true leaders will emerge and success will shine, if they continue to focus on the relationships with everyone around them.

Until the next blog posting, I challenge you this week to complete this phrase OUT LOUD at least once per day:

“Today, I will focus on customer / client/ co-worker relationships by __________________________”.

Be deliberate.  Be honest.  Let others hear about what you notice in the comments below.

In just the past twelve months, I have enjoyed the opportunity to facilitate conversations with leaders all across North America and the Caribbean.  These people represented publicly traded & privately held companies; for profit & not-for-profit ventures; volunteer & paid roles; governments & government agencies; some with many years of experience & others who were green in their positions.

No matter how one might describe their positions and organizations there are, in my observation, two areas that all leaders seem to struggle with at one time or another.  I kept hearing stories, reasons, justifications and just plain ‘ol excuses from “leaders” as to why they just couldn’t connect with their “subjects”….and that’s when it hit me.  The problem, about 89.9% of the time, is rooted firmly in issues of communication and business relationships.

Over the coming weeks, I’m going to shed some light on how you can avoid the pitfalls holding back so many other people, so you can enjoy the success you have earned and should be sharing with those around you.

I challenge you to copy down the following idea and review it each day for a week.

“Leadership is not a title, it’s a show of respect which occurs only when people choose to follow .”

After a bit of a hiatus, I traveled this week to Dumas High School in Dumas, TX to deliver a couple of presentations to the Junior and Senior classes.  I’ve been a presenter for Monster.com’s Making It Count Programs for about three years, a relationship I’ve had much fun with!  We had a great time, and the students there were fantastic!  ( CLICK HERE to link to the video montage of the presentation created by the folks at the local online paper, High Plains Observer-Dumas.)

Watching the video, I found myself smiling, laughing, and re-enjoying the time I spent there…at work!

Sure, when I headed to the airport the day before, it was just like one of those days when you aren’t looking forward to the commute.  Once in the air, though, I opened up the blank, leather-bound journal my wife gave me not two weeks ago on our wedding day.  With the gift, she’d included a note of instruction that I was to use that journal to capture the plans and dreams in my head, and begin putting them into action. So I started writing…

As the sun set over the horizon (it’s a beautiful sight to watch through the window of a plane at 31,000 ft), I was settled in with my iPod, pen in hand, and before I knew it, I’d written about 6 pages of ideas which have become the early draft of my business plan for the coming year.

The next time find yourself dreading your commute, turn up an old album you haven’t heard in a while, settle in for the ride, and open up your mind to ask, “How can I make today count?”.