The “It’s Not You It’s Me” Routine

Opposites Attract…Right?

In the fourth grade, one of my buddies carried with him to school one day a pocket full of small, tube-shaped magnets. I remember rolling them one-by-one across the desk and then **SNAP!** how they would violently spin and connect, lining up what I later learned was a positive to the negative end of the magnets.  In the most primitive way, I learned that day to accept how “opposites attract”.

As you rewind your own career, you can certainly remember a former co-worker or (even worse) a boss or client with whom you could not stand to be near…even for a few minutes.  Their perspective on everything dangerously askew from any socially accepted norm; communication ability nothing short of atrocious; and ability to listen to others horribly impossible.  It made you wonder how someone so opposite of every fiber of your being could have possibly wound up in the same…exact…place…as you.  That person, remarkably became the “exception that proved the rule” about attraction.

The Gift of Awareness

Think about someone you know quite well.  Consider a time when they suddenly “flipped” resulting in an unexpected outburst, or significant change in behavior leaving you wondering “what just happened?” Perhaps people have reacted to you that way in some occasion.

The power you gain, however, by understanding your own personality is a powerful gift.  Knowing why a particular exhibited itself in a particular situation goes a long way in improving how we interact with others.  More importantly, it allows you to make deliberate choices to more quickly and effectively connect with others.  All you have to do is take a few simple measurements!

How To Measure Your Brain

Modern medicine technology is incredible.  Most notably, I recall watching live video of the inside chambers of my daughter’s tiny little heart…MONTHS before her birth! [Seriously, I even teared up a little!]

It never ceased to amaze me how the technician and the doctors meticulously measured EVERYTHING from the length of her still forming bones to the size of her head, which of course, houses her brain.  (She was projected to have a “large cranium”, so we already knew she was a genius BEFORE she was born –don’t ALL parents know?)  [SIDE NOTE: Not certain how precise cranial development correlates to smarts, I immediately began hyperventilating as I considered what the cost of a university education will be in 18 years….What if they are wrong and she doesn’t win that merit-based scholarship?  I hope she has her mother’s athletic ability!]  But we digress…

While science administers  batteries of tests each year to determine peoples intelligence, aptitude for particular skills, physical abilities, mental toughness, and much more, the workplace often relies on personality assessments for clues on how we interact with each other.

Certainly, there is much that could be said about the merits of one particular assessment over another.  Some offer “overly simplistic results” while others offer a more “in-depth, multi- dimensional” look by adding context to the results. [I have experienced the latter as considerably more useful when working with teams interested in truly increasing effectiveness and generating real results in less time.] Whichever type you use, however, there is invariably value in first understanding YOURSELF and then looking around to compare with the people you spend time with on a regular basis.

As you get to know more about your own strengths (+) and weaknesses (-) along with how they impact you in a variety of situations, you will begin to understand more about the benefits of connecting with (attracting) or staying away from (repelling) those around you, based on THEIR tendencies and personality styles.

The Secret Sauce for Building Results-Generating Teams

Learning to leverage your gifts and those of the people around you (at work, home, your place of worship, etc…) creates more opportunity for you to produce more sustainable, measurable, forward-looking results in all areas of your life.  Wouldn’t THAT be nice.

Now…where did I leave those magnets?

Scott Cooksey works with organizations around the globe to (re)ignite leaders & teams so they can generate sustainable results and build lasting, profitable relationships with their clients. To learn more about how he can work with you or your organization, visit


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